Just another stoner thread… Not likely! So I thought of how
I could chronicle my decision to use cannabis for medicinal purposes in a state
where medicinal use is still illegal and here we are with Gandalf’s 420 Blog.
Why Gandalf? Simple really, I love Tolkien, always have since I was very young
and first read The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. Gandalf loved to smoke shire
weed, bringing him clarity and thought. So why am I different from any other
person who smokes? My decision to smoke cannabis is largely due to the fact
that I have been diagnosed with sever anxiety and depression for the past ten
years. My anxiety has gotten so bad that it spawns panic attacks and has become
very debilitating for me and my family.
Looking back at the past decade, I can see where I once use
to enjoy the company of others and being out in public at events. This anxiety
and depression has forced me to pull away from who I used to be, becoming
somewhat of a shut-in. Early on, the doctors prescribed three different
medications, saying I would likely be on them for the duration of my life; The
meds were Paxil, Effexor, and Xanax. I was on this cocktail of medication in
one form or another for over two years, and while it did lower the stress,
anxiety, and panic attacks, it also made me into a walking zombie. I didn’t
seem to have any emotions. I didn’t enjoy things anymore than I did when
stressed out, I just simply existed.
After two years of this, I was on the receiving end of
layoffs and lost my insurance. The medications cost more than my rent and
utilities to get filled, so I stopped taking them. Within a few weeks I felt
better than ever, however I eventually fell back into the stress, depression,
and anxiety that I had before. Years later I still dealt with this and even
with insurance, I didn’t know if I wanted to feel like a zombie again by going
back on medications. Trading one issue for another isn’t a fix that I’m willing
to live with, all the while padding the pockets of the pharmaceutical
companies.
Fast forward to early February 2012, I’ve done research into
the medical use of cannabis. I’ve watched a few documentaries on the benefits it
has on people with depression, stress, and anxiety, yet surprisingly there is
little to no side effects for using it. Since I haven’t hit 40 yet, I found
myself in an odd predicament of finding a source for this herb.
My first experience with marijuana was at the age of 19 and
while I’d love to say I enjoyed it, the truth is I didn’t get high nor did I
feel anything at all. So I had no idea what the hype was all about. To me it
was simply as foul as smoking a cigarette.
With the addition of the Internet and some very helpful
forums, I found out what I was doing wrong, something as simple as breathing, well
let’s just say it made all the difference. I packed a bowl with and lit up; what
followed was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever experience in my life. The
stress and anxiety melted away. I felt just like I did when I was younger. I had
no racing thoughts or worries, just the feeling of enjoying life and all who
were around me. Like everyone says, the sounds, visuals, and tastes are enhanced.
I sat back at my desk and tuned into some music, just feeling like a huge
weight was lifted off my back, and it had been there for over a decade.
The high lasted about four hours, maybe a little more, but
during that time I had a feeling of relaxation that couldn’t easily be
described unless experienced. One important note, having been drunk a few times
in my life, the feeling on not being in control wasn’t the same when medicated
with marijuana. If anything my thought process was better, clearer, and more
focused. While I didn’t nor would I ever drive while medicated, It didn’t have
the same affects as alcohol does on responsiveness.
The next day I felt as if I had less stress, my thoughts
still raced a little, but my focus was much better. I didn’t mind talking with
others or feeling like didn’t belong as I had before. I waited a few days
before trying it again, but when I did I had the same magical feeling I had
before. The lasting effects of the weed seems to be a little longer each time,
helping me get through more at work and in public during the day. My overall
stress level is much lower now, yet I don’t feel as if I’m a zombie like the prescription
medications did to me. The use of a natural medication such as cannabis has
proven to me over the past two weeks to be a much better solution to my
problems than with prescription medications. Why marijuana isn’t legalized in
all 50 states is ridiculous; I firmly believe the alcohol and tobacco
companies, along with our government are to blame for this.
The use of marijuana has opened me up to a life I had given
up on. A life worth living again and experiencing the joys of doing things with
friends and family. This is my journey and my chronicles, one that I hope will
eventually lead to the legalization of this plant or my moving to a marijuana friendly
state to live out my life.
